Softened or hardened by grief?

July 15, 2009

Softened or hardened by grief?

I keep wondering about the comment I heard last year from a younger friend who said that she thought that people who lose someone are “softened” by this experience.

It feels like I am on the ground again, having been emotionally knocked off my feet by this loss.  I feel wounded and much of the time seemingly unable to pick myself up again and move forward.

The notion of being softened by grief makes sense when seen from the perspectives of having:

• an open wound that is vulnerable and needs protection; 
• a seemingly permanent broken heart which is malleable and pliable as a result; and,
• a heightened level of sensitivity to one’s own and other people’s pain, disappointments, and questions.

In each of these ways I feel softened by the death of Daniel.

On the other hand, I also can understand why one might choose to shut down – to harden up and fend off the feelings of sadness, brokenness, pain, and vulnerability that come with this sort of experience.

I can understand how easy it would be to hide behind thickening layers of defense, anger, resentment, and even hostility in an effort to protect the true brokenness of spirit that is at the core of this loss.

The temptation is there and it is clear.  I can choose to allow this softening to continue and accept the vulnerability that it brings.  Or, I can go the other route and harden up and lash out at anything or anyone who poses a threat to me in my fragile state.

God:  help me to remain open to the softening process and not run from it as I am so tempted to do everyday.

July 14, 2009

Faith and Grief:  which is deeper?

As I struggled to fall asleep last night, this question kept turning over in my mind – which is deeper – my faith or my grief?  I read something right before I went to bed that was similar, though this author was comparing the depths of faith and doubt and realizing that faith won out, though by a slim margin.

In my semi-conscious state, God seemed to be saying to me that He would outlast my grief – that He would still be around at the proverbial end of the day and that in some mysterious way my faith was deeper and more sure or stable than my current state of grief.