Grief and Grace at 14,000 Feet

August 5, 2009

First Annual Daniel Burtness Memorial Climb – 8/3/09

 

Two years ago next month (Labor Day) Daniel and I climbed Mt. Shavano with Riley and Steve; the three of them went on to ascend Mt. Tabeguache , an adjacent peak, though I stayed behind to conserve my flagging energy for the hike back down.  I am embarrassed to admit that these were the only two 14,000 foot mountain that Daniel summitted in his lifetime, but my fatherly regrets on this subject are not important now.

So on Monday August 3, Daniel’s 20^th birthday, we climbed Mt. Bierstadt (14,060 feet) in his honor.  Since I hope we keep up this tradition, we are calling this the First Annual Daniel Burtness Memorial Climb.

It was a great day and a hard day at the same time. 

Riley, Hilary, and Matty P. joined the four of us – it was fantastic to be with some of Daniel’s best friends on this special day.  Carol and I, in our 50+ year-old out-of-shape bodies, felt the climb all the way up and all the way back down, especially coming back down with our weak knees and soft thigh muscles.

Somehow this physical stress and pain felt refreshing as it corresponded to both the emotional and spiritual pain that we are experiencing in the midst of our grief, as well as representing the new life and opportunities that still exist for us, our children, and these dear young friends.

We took some of Daniel’s ashes with us and stood together on the summit, sprinkling these ashes among the boulders and thanking God for the gift of this dear soul in our lives.  I brought along a copy of the following prayers from the burial service in the Episcopal Book of Common Prayer. 

I find both these prayers especially poignant and hopeful during these moments.

Through tears I read these words as we stood in a circle taking turns sprinkling some ashes between the boulders:

Into your hands, O merciful Savior, we commend your servant Daniel.  Acknowledge, we humbly beseech you, a sheep of your own fold, a lamb of your own flock, a sinner of your own redeeming.  Receive him into the arms of your mercy, into the blessed rest of everlasting peace, and into the glorious company of the saints in light.  Amen.

In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ, we commend to Almighty God our brother Daniel, and we commit his body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.  The Lord bless him and keep him, the Lord make his face to shine upon him and be gracious to him, the Lord lift up his countenance upon him and give him peace.  Amen.

This was another day where we experienced God’s grace and the love and vigor of our children and young friends, while our grief quietly meandered through the cracks in our broken hearts. 

In some mysterious way this juxtaposition of grace and grief is good – thanks be to God.