Mourning and Music

March 16, 2010

I have recorded two CD’s of some of Daniel’s favorite music from his I-Tunes library on his laptop and often listen to them in my car.  Today I had some time as I drove between meetings, so I listened to one of these compilations.

The first three songs that came on illustrate a lot about Daniel, how he was living life when he died, and how much I long to be with him even now. 

The first was a classic from my generation – “Brown Eyed Girl” – a song that Young Life uses constantly at camps and other events to get the kids warmed up and singing.  It is about youth and love, and Daniel obviously loved this song and everything else about Young Life, but especially camp and being rowdy with his friends and the younger kids he was working with as he became a leader.

The second was “How Does She Know?” from the movie Enchanted.  Daniel immediately loved that movie when he saw it with us, and took his silly connection with this fairly tale to Whitworth where he quickly endeared himself by asking his newfound friends – especially girls – what Disney princess or prince they would most like to be.  He found the simplicity of the fairy tale personally captivating and shared that spirit with ease with those around him.

The third song was by Braddigan, the Dispatch drummer who went solo after the band broke up.  The song – City on the Hill – includes these lines:

Haven't you heard that we are free?
Haven't you traced the steps back from Calvary?
We have the greatest reason of all
We'll build a city or we'll fall
We'll build a city without walls

Though I never had a chance to really discuss this song with Daniel, I know it appealed to his youthful zeal for God and serving others – living in the freedom of his faith in Christ and out of that, knowing we have the greatest reason of all to build a city and especially, one without walls.

Once this song ended I turned off the CD so I could gather my thoughts and ponder the feelings and longings that surfaced as I listened to these songs in sequence. 

As I drove along pondering all of this, a forth song – Give Me Jesus – came to mind and I began to sing it as well.

In the morning, when I rise, In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise, Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus, Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world, Just give me Jesus.

When I am alone, When I am alone,

When I am alone, Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus, Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world, Just give me Jesus.

When I come to die, When I come to die,
When I come to die, Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus, Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world, Just give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus. Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus. You can have all this world,
You can have all this world, You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

 
This last song somehow ties all the rest together in my troubled and broken heart.  Though I miss this son terribly and long to hear him singing all of these songs as he engaged in life, I also cling to the hope that Give Me Jesus brings. 

You can have all this world, just give me Jesus!