Mourning and
Gratitude
I was up late last night in search of a couple items that
seem to have been misplaced around our house.
One of them was the CD recording of Daniel’s Denver
Obviously I have a very biased view of this event, but as I
listened to the words of Steve, Albus, Bill, me, and Father Stace, I was
reminded of their descriptions of what a remarkable young man Daniel was and
what an impact his short life had on so many people. Stace put it bluntly as he suggested that we
– Carol and I – should look around that sanctuary filled to capacity and
realize that this was the legacy that our boy was leaving us – 600-700 lives
whom he had touched directly and indirectly, in addition to many more at
Whitworth and beyond.
Of course, I laughed at many of the stories that were shared
of this remarkable kid who “danced to the rhythm of his own heart” even when
that rhythm did not match the beat of the music playing. I wept as our priest acknowledged our deep,
deep loss – the fact that there would be no graduation; no potential beginning
to a career in ministry; no wedding; and no grandchildren brought home to see us
by this son. Stace acknowledged this
deep sadness and our need to mourn it, while also acknowledging the profound
impact of our son’s life, even stating that we “should be proud” of his legacy
and by implication, the fact that our legacy lived out by Daniel brought a
church-full of people to that service.
So it is good and natural that we mourn with deep sadness
the loss of our remarkable son. At the
same time, we also feel enormous gratitude for the depth of his faith, the
richness of his relationships, and the reality that God used Daniel in amazing
ways in his 18 short years on earth. I
pray that his life continues to enrich his family and friends by challenging us
all to “dance to the rhythm” of our own hearts and of God’s heart.
December 7, 2008
The Body is Sacred
In the book of Genesis, Jews and Christians have an account
of God creating the world and humanity.
I have no idea if all of these words should be taken literally – did God
actually do all of this in seven literal earthly 24-hour days? The longer I live, the less I am concerned
about how much of this is literal truth and how much is somehow representational,
figurative, or symbolic. What I still
believe is that God somehow created us “in His image” and we humans are
therefore special and in some respect, sacred.
Since human bodies are sacred in some way, most cultures
have developed elaborate rituals for their deposition once a person dies. Being with Daniel in a hospital ICU and
watching him die has evoked a lot of thinking on my part about the human
body. Our experience with Daniel was all
very sad and surrealistic, and yet at times, full of wonder and rich moments as
we each held his hand, kissed him, and anointed him in preparation for saying
goodbye to the earthly vessel that embodied the person we loved so much.
Though we chose to have Daniel’s body cremated and we have
not yet decided where to have his ashes interred, that decision remains an
important element in honoring Daniel, his place on this earth in our family and
community, and ultimately the gift that he was from God who had created him in
His image as well. Daniel’s body was also
somehow sacred, so deposition of his ashes and the memorial to this person and
his bodily life on earth remains an important element in this process.
I guess this is the reason that we need to find a place to
bury his ashes and a marker that will denote that spot and the embodied life of
the person that it represents.
November 27, 2008
Gratitude
Today is our first Thanksgiving since Daniel died and my
heart if full of bittersweet feelings and memories.
Though Daniel died as a result of his injuries, I am grateful that when he died, he was at peace with God, with himself, with us as his family, and with so many friends – in essence he died the “peaceful and holy death” we pray for and long for. (This is a beautiful phrase from a litany of healing prayers contained in the Book of Occasional Services of the Episcopal Church.)
Though Daniel missed out on so much of life by dying so
early, I am grateful that he experienced such a rich life of faith,
friendships, learning, and growing in the Fab/East Young Life community of Denver
Though my heart is still broken over losing our firstborn
child, I am grateful for our other children, Hannah and Ben – for their faith,
their health, their hearts, and their hopes for their future.
Though our grief continues to ebb and flow and, at times,
seems more than we can bear, I am grateful that Carol and I are on this journey
together and that we are slowing learning to “carry our grief comfortably” as
Daniel’s favorite professor, Jerry Sittser, said we would someday.
Though much of the time this journey seems so lonely for the
two of us, I am grateful for the cards, emails, phone calls, and other contacts
that remind us almost daily that so many friends and family surround us with
love, concern, and prayer as we travel this road.
So on this Thanksgiving Day, I am enormously grateful to God for
all of this amazing grace in the
midst of our unspeakable grief!
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