Father’s Day: great mystery – enormous joy – unspeakable
pain
We are now six or seven weeks into year number two since
Daniel died so I am celebrating my second Father’s Day with one child missing.
Darkness and light continue to occupy the same space in my
heart – somehow I can mourn the loss of one child while being grateful for and
celebrating the lives of the other two children that God gave to us.
Among the many memorable moments that I have experienced in
life, as a father, four moments really stand out in my mind as I reflect on
fatherhood today – late afternoon on August 3, 1989 when Daniel was born;
around 3:00 am on October 7, 1992 when Hannah was born; around 1:00 am on
December 28, 1994 when Ben was born; and 10:00 am on April 28, 2008 when Daniel
was pronounced dead.
These four moments in time have thus far been the most pivotal
moments in my life as a father. The
first three were moments of great mystery and enormous joy, and the fourth was
a moment of great mystery and unspeakable pain.
I am blessed to be a father to three amazing kids. I deeply mourn the loss of Daniel but am
grateful beyond words for the experience of loving and fathering him in this
life. I am equally grateful for Hannah
and Ben and for each of their lives and what I hope will be many years ahead
for all of us to share and enjoy.
I am grateful that my three kids, along with their beautiful
mother, have taught me more about love, grace, forgiveness, courage, life, and
how to trust myself and God than I ever imagined I could even learn. Together and individually they have shown me
unconditional love and undeserved forgiveness over and over for over 20 years
now. They have demonstrated how to care
for others and what I should value by simply being in my life.
Like many fathers, I often fret when I don’t have all the answers, can’t figure out how to fix everything that is broken, or provide the family the idealized kind of leadership that I believe is my responsibility.
The longer I am a father, the more I realize that is it all
about God’s grace and not about me anyway.
I am blessed to be a father – thanks be to God!
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