Lament and Praise -- Marked forever

November 13, 2008

 

Grief and Grace . . . . Doubt and Faith . . . . Lament and Praise

 

Job

 

Job 1:21:  And he said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there.
The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD.” 

 

Job 2:9-10:  “His wife said to him, ‘Are you still holding on to your integrity?  Curse God and die!’  He replied, ‘You are talking like a foolish woman.  Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?’  In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.” 

 

Job 42:5-6:  “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.  Therefore I despise myself (reject what I said) and repent in dust and ashes.”  

  

David

 

Psalms 22:

 

1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?  Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?  2 O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent.

 

 3 Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the praise of Israel.  4 In you our fathers put their trust;  they trusted and you delivered them.  5 They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed.

 6 But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by men and despised by the people.  7 All who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads:  8 "He trusts in the LORD; let the LORD rescue him.  Let him deliver him, since he delights in him."

 9 Yet you brought me out of the womb;  you made me trust in you even at my mother's breast.  10 From birth I was cast upon you; from my mother's womb you have been my God.

 11 Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help.  12 Many bulls surround me; strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.  13 Roaring lions tearing their prey open their mouths wide against me.  14 I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint.  My heart has turned to wax; it has melted away within me.  15 My strength is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth; you lay me in the dust of death.  16 Dogs have surrounded me; a band of evil men has encircled me, they have pierced my hands and my feet.  17 I can count all my bones; people stare and gloat over me.  18 They divide my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing.  19 But you, O LORD, be not far off; O my Strength, come quickly to help me.  20 Deliver my life from the sword, my precious life from the power of the dogs.  21 Rescue me from the mouth of the lions; save me from the horns of the wild oxen.

 22 I will declare your name to my brothers; in the congregation I will praise you.  23 You who fear the LORD, praise him!  All you descendants of Jacob, honor him!  Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!  24 For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.  25 From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly; before those who fear you will I fulfill my vows.  26 The poor will eat and be satisfied; they who seek the LORD will praise him— may your hearts live forever!  27 All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the LORD, and all the families of the nations will bow down before him,  28 for dominion belongs to the LORD   and he rules over the nations.  29 All the rich of the earth will feast and worship; all who go down to the dust will kneel before him— those who cannot keep themselves alive.  30 Posterity will serve him; future generations will be told about the Lord.  31 They will proclaim his righteousness to a people yet unborn— for he has done it.

Jesus

Matthew 27:  “About the ninth hour, Jesus cried out in a loud voice, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”  (v. 46)   “And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.”  (v. 50)   (Almost identical account in Mark)

Luke 23:46:  “Jesus cried out with a loud voice, ‘Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.’  When he had said this, he breathed his last.”  

 

October 28, 2008

Six months later

Six months ago today we lost our beloved son.  Carol commented the other night that we are “marked” forever as a mother and father who have lost a child.  These marks are ones that neither of us is comfortable wearing but each of us has no choice – as parents we are forever changed.

Losing someone this close and this unexpectedly is devastating.  Not one day goes by, not even an hour, without several thoughts and longings for Daniel, and other deep feelings bubbling into my consciousness.  I cannot get used to the idea of losing a son, nor do I particularly want to get used to it.  It somehow seems fitting that everything is out of kilter – nothing quite fits anymore because it shouldn’t.

How do you make sense out of loss and grief?  There is no logic to it, other than the fact that it seems so unbelievable, still.  I can partially comprehend that Daniel is dead, but I cannot really fathom what it actually means.

I had lunch today downtown at a Quizno’s where Daniel and I had our last private meal together before he went off to college about 14 months ago.  I sat and stared at the patio table where he and I had sat, right after visiting the nearby Fidelity office where we had moved some money around in his college fund.  At lunch, he laughed about how foreign it was for him to visit a brokerage office and listen to a discussion about investments.  He was young, blissfully naïve, idealistic, and so looking forward to his freshman year in college and all that would bring. 

As I sat nearby in my pain, I struggled to remember every detail of my son who had occupied that chair now sitting empty before me.