Fragile - Vulnerable - Control

June 18, 2009

Fragile – Vulnerable – Control

These terms swirl in my head constantly.

We are obviously very fragile human beings; watching Daniel die is my most harsh experience of this reality, but there are other reminders that regularly cross my radar screen if I am paying attention.  Most of us spend much of our lives trying to deny how fragile we are (and to some degree that may be a good thing in many respects).  But ultimately, the sooner we face this truth and somehow incorporate it into our perspective the better.

In a very similar way, being fragile human beings means that we are vulnerable to many forces that can shape and reshape our lives in profound ways and often in split seconds.  Again, my experience losing a son has left a strong after-taste of vulnerability in my heart and mind – I cannot seem to shake how vulnerable I feel, how vulnerable Daniel was to his injuries, and how vulnerable my family is to the heartache we continue to struggle with, much less all the other dangers that are out there that could further impact each of us negatively.

Which leads me to control:  humans are wired in many good ways to exert control over our individual lives, our time and activities, our environment, etc.  Overall, I believe this is a good thing and indeed is a reflection of how we are “made in God’s image” and imbued with reason and skill to control much of how we live and what we experience.

That said, ultimately, many aspects of our life are well beyond our control and the sooner we come to terms with that the sooner we began to experience some peace and contentment with our place in the universe.  As the saying goes, “there is a God and I am not him.”

On one level I will likely struggle forever with my inability to control Daniel’s earthly fate.  As a parent it is very hard to not feel like I failed my son.

At the same time, going through this experience ultimately proves to me that our human desire for control and the perception that we are in control are often misguided and perhaps even delusional. 

I am not ultimately in control of much, other than perhaps my response to that lack of control and my fragile nature as a human being and the vulnerability that this creates.

God:  grant me grace to accept these realities that I cannot change.