I read an article this weekend
about a documentary film just released that tells the stories of the dozen
families who lost high school student in the Columbine shootings. One parent said something that struck me that
went something like this:
“As
parents, we have not moved on, but we are moving forward ever mindful of what
was lost.”
I so agree with this sentiment.
“Moved on” denotes having finished
something or brought some activity or experience to some sort of closure – as
in moving on from my grief. I cannot
imagine moving on from losing Daniel since I am not finished with him, or with
my grief, and I don’t believe I want to bring it to closure or could even if I
desired it.
Yet I can imagine that I am moving
forward with this loss, carrying the emotional baggage with greater ease as I
go and somehow incorporating this loss into my life, who I am as a person, what
I believe, how I behave, etc.
I am ever mindful of what, or more
specifically, who was lost and is physically gone from my daily life. I have not left that person or memory behind
but rather carry that broken relationship with me wherever I go. I move forward but feel like I am a different
person walking through life differently than I would have otherwise.
I have not moved on from my grief
but perhaps I am moving forward, carrying my grief with me as I go, ever mindful
of this seemingly permanent new dimension in my life.
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