Meandering toward the Light

June 16, 2011

I often find myself late in the evening meandering around in Daniel’s music files on the computer, listening to bits of songs by various artist, or watching YouTube video’s of his favorite band (Dispatch at Madison Square Garden), or picking up books in his room on his bookshelf and leafing through the ideas that were so stimulating to him in his last months on earth.

Then sometimes, like right now, I sit in his reading chair in his bedroom staring at the hockey poster on the wall and letting my heart meander through the depths of my sorrow and grief, wondering what could have possibly happened to this son whom I love so dearly.

In these late night moments, silence rings in my ears as I wonder about my wandering heart.  I have no idea how deep these waters of grief go, but they feel endless and churning tonight.

Then I return to the music but this time to songs that talk about trying to imagine heaven and sitting in the lap of Jesus while He sings over me.  

Songs that draw me toward the Light that shined so brightly in Daniel’s heart and now flickers in my own. 

Light that points a way through the deepest water – Light that warms my heart. 

I listen and meander toward the Light.