Hannah arrived home last night from college for the
Christmas break. It is great to see her
and to see her blossoming into an even more beautiful, bright, and confident
young woman. She and Ben were cute
together as they trotted off to watch their first Christmas movie when Carol
and I gave up and headed off to bed.
Yet it is in these very moments that Daniel’s absence is
most acutely obvious to me – their big brother should be around to hang out
with his siblings – to enjoy the annual viewing of our Christmas video
collection – to hear from his younger siblings about their transitions and
challenges as they are progressing through high school and college – to share
with them his amazing spirit, wisdom, and insights into life.
I miss him terribly and I sense that they must as well, if
even in their subconscious wondering about why things seem just a bit out of
balance, or “out of kilter” as my mother would say.
Living in this out of balance state must require extra
effort. This might explain why I often
feel fatigued even though I can’t come up with a simple explanation as to why I
am feeling that way in that particular moment.
I wonder if I will always miss Daniel with this same level
of yearning?
Truth be told, I hope I do.
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