Dreams

March  2011

Our connections through dreams 

I had another vivid dream two nights ago featuring Daniel briefly.  He showed up in the dream near the end of what I remember, as I was among a lot of people entering a large church to attend a service.  Daniel was in the throng moving through the foyer into the sanctuary, several people ahead of me when I saw his face for the first time in the dream.  I told the person I was with to go sit with Daniel since I had to step out of line to go find Carol.  As I mentioned Daniel’s name, he turned around and grinned at us, looking the same as he did when he died though his glasses seemed to have heavier lens than they did in reality.

Prior to this portion of the dream, I had been walking with our priest, Father Stace, to some event, perhaps this same service.  We were having a sweet conversation, oddly enough, about Daniel and the fact that he had died.

I don’t know what I think about the role of dreams in life – I really have no clear opinion on this and I have done very little reading or research into the various schools of thought about what dreams mean, where they come from, and what function they might serve.  That said, I find it very interesting and in some ways very comforting that when Daniel shows up in my dreams, it seems to often involve him coming into a church service with those of us who are alive. 

From this I can only surmise that this notion of “communion of saints” is somehow very much a reality:  Daniel is still somehow engaged in what we call church – worshiping God and perhaps is even somehow present when we gather here in our literal churches to worship together.   

We are all “in communion” with each other – in a close relationship or an intimate spiritual connection with each other and with God around His table.

Another dream

Last night’s dream included a funeral service for Daniel, though very different from the one that we actually had.  In the dream Daniel was embalmed and the casket was open during some part of the service.  He was situated in the casket in an unusual manner, with him facing the observer having a smile on his face.

In another part of the dream I saw Daniel walking along a street from afar and as I watched, he suddenly disappeared, as if he vaporized while walking along in plain view one moment and gone the next.

I am intrigued with these recurring dreams – the interesting mix of Daniel’s death as a theme and him being somehow alive but not fully accessible in the dream as another. 

Dreams and dust

This morning I awoke with another dream of Daniel fresh in my head.  As is often true, he was fully alive in my dream and looking like he did when he died – I hugged his head and kissed the top of his head through the bushy phase weeks after a buzz cut – yet he did not speak to me or to anyone as is usually the case in these dreams.

This dream occurred hours after we attended our Ash Wednesday service and were given that vital reminder from the prayer book quoting Genesis 3, “Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”

Daniel’s earthly body is now literally dust but in some great mystery, his soul and his essence lives on.  Are my dreams somehow a connection across this thin veil that currently separates us, or are they simply a father’s longing heart to be with a son again?  

I would like to think that these dreams are somehow both a spiritual connection and a deeply emotional longing.  Though I will likely never really know what they mean, I am grateful for these connections to my son.