Groping for Words, but Comfortable in the Thin Spaces

January 28, 2014

Groping for Words

I am sitting with mother in the Denver Hospice on day two of her stay and I am overwhelmed with this amazing place - it is a beautiful facility with caring and compassionate staff.  Everyone is very attentive, kind, gentle, and helpful.

It is all about comfort here - helping the patient be as comfortable as possible as their bodies either rebound from their diseases, or as their bodies succumb to ailments or the natural progression of just wearing out and failing.  Hospice is designed to help people die as peacefully and painlessly as possible.

And so we sit, holding a unique vigil with Mom, listening to her breathing, holding her hand and talking to her, and as of today, not getting any real response. (Yesterday I did get one response of "I love you" when she briefly woke up and realized I was holding her hand.)

Sitting vigil like this brings a lot of random thoughts to mind as I reflect on this woman's 90 years and the myriad of people she has influenced and impacted, including me. Being married to a minister gave my mother a unique opportunity to connect with a lot of people both in our churches as well as in the communities where we lived. My Mom also had a very natural rapport with people of all ages including many younger people like some of my cousins and their spouses.

One of my cousins called me this evening to discuss my mother's condition and their last conversation just a few weeks ago.  He shared that he is “groping for words” to explain the range of emotions that are coming as he thinks about my mother dying, as well as others from her generation like his parents going forward.  

I agreed:  we are all groping for words.

January 29, 2014

Comfortable in the “Thin Spaces”

Sitting with my mother today as she is in the process of dying and listening to the soft contemplative worshipful music of John Michael Talbot, I sense the we are in the spiritual thin space between heaven and earth.

Since losing Daniel five years ago, this thin space seems oddly familiar and incredibly comfortable. 

In fact, I sense that moments I spend in these thin spaces are as "real" as life on this earth can get.

Thanks be to God!