Every parent’s “worst nightmare” . . .
At 1:30 am on Saturday April 26, we received the phone call that every parent dreads – “your son has been in an automobile accident.” Daniel and four college buddies had left Spokane for a weekend away in northern Montana, at the ranch where a roommate’s grandparents raised cattle. These college boys were looking forward to helping brand calves and other experiences far removed from their studies.
On a winding road not far from St. Regis, MT, a deer appeared from nowhere and caused a collision with an oncoming pickup. Three boys were injured, with our son Daniel receiving the most significant injuries. He was in the front passenger seat and was nearest the impact when the truck hit the front right corner of the car.
He was taken by ambulance into the community of Superior, Montana, where we learned by phone that his injuries required an airlift into Missoula. By 3:00 am he had arrived by helicopter at St. Patrick Medical Center, a regional trauma center serving western Montana.
We received several phone calls through that night – the first few from one of college boys, Collin, who, with enormous strength, calm, and compassion described the circumstances of the accident, the status of Dan, and the unfolding plan for addressing his needs. We also spoke with the trauma surgeon and orthopedic surgeon in Missoula a couple times each before Daniel’s surgery. Unfortunately, we never had the opportunity to speak to Daniel.
When we arrived at the hospital on Saturday afternoon we were met by the trauma surgeon who had been caring for Daniel for most of the day. His orthopedic surgery to repair the broken legs had seemed to go fine, but there was now major concern because Daniel was not coming out of the anesthesia. There were several scenarios presented, including that he had suffered a stroke or a severe allergic reaction to the anesthesia.
Around midnight Saturday Daniel exhibited signs of significant brain swelling and an intra-cranial pressure monitor was inserted and aggressive treatment of this swelling began. We spent that sleepless night and all day Sunday conferring with Daniel’s neurosurgeon and others, listening to them hypothesize and realizing that we had 48-72 critical hours to see if Daniel could overcome whatever was happening in his horribly damaged brain.
About 4:00 pm Sunday, something occurred which the nurse recognized and Daniel was rushed off for another CAT scan. Upon his return, the neurosurgeon, Dr. Mack, met with us and told us that Daniel’s upper brain had ceased to function and that he was irreversibly beginning to die.
Realizing that, within an hour or so of our call with our kids at 5:00 pm Sunday, telling them their brother was beginning to irreversibly die, 40 or more people had gathered at our home, with the single goal of showing our two children love, compassion, and grace.
At 10:00 am on Monday, April 28, after running two more definitive tests, Daniel was declared legally brain dead. As we had agreed to during the previous night, Daniel was immediately plugged back into the life support apparatus and the process of preparing him for organ donation began.
Daniel’s good friend from high school, Malory had arrived at the hospital around 4:00 am Monday morning. Our dear friend, Steve arrived early on Monday afternoon. Hannah and Ben arrived early Monday evening.
From Monday evening until Tuesday morning around 10:00 am when they finally wheeled Daniel into an OR to “procure his organs”, together with Steve and Mallory, our family shared wonderful stories, laughed together, and said many tearful good-byes to our beloved son and brother, most poignantly as we participated in preparing Daniel’s body through prayer, reading scripture, and anointing him with holy water to commit him back into the loving arms of a gracious God.
We experienced so many divergent emotions and moments at St. Patrick Hospital that weekend. We felt blessed at knowing that we are loved by an enormous group of family and friends in Denver, Spokane, Chicago, Texas, Alaska, California, Wisconsin, Ohio, Wyoming, and beyond.
We heard reports of prayer chains in Montana, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Denver, and other places, where Dan was the main topic of many Sunday morning church gatherings in different places.
We sat by our son’s bedside for three mostly sleepless nights and days, watching a groups of angels minister to him, especially the ICU nurse – Barbara, Cleo, Rhonda, and others who exhibited compassion, gentleness, care, attentiveness, and thoroughness, and all delivered with an amazing grace.
Thus begins my family’s journey of stunning, paralyzing, and unspeakable grief accompanied by amazing grace and incomprehensible joy.
My comments at Daniel’s memorial service at Whitworth University Chapel
These last few days, my family and I have experienced: Unspeakable Grief, Amazing Grace and Enormous Gratitude.
Grief: over saying our earthly farewell to our beloved son and brother
Grace: in feeling and experiencing God’s loving embrace through the arms and prayers of hundreds of people in Denver, Spokane, Missoula, Cody and beyond
Grief: over a tragic accident and the pain and suffering it wrought on our son, his friends, and many other families and friends
Grace: in knowing that Dan – the one who proclaimed boldly on Facebook that he is a follower of Jesus – he is now caught up to Jesus and is walking with Him side by side and directly experiencing that ultimate love and complete redemption
Grief: in having to sit in a hospital room in Missoula and try to explain to your two children in Denver that their brother is dying
Grace: in calling our home about two hours after our call to our kids, and learning that 40-50 of our friends – kids and adults – have descended on our home and are embracing our two children with love and support in profound ways
Our emotions and thoughts are on the wildest of roller coaster rides – from sobbing in one moment to lightness and laughter in the next.
These experiences of unspeakable grief and amazing grace have now led us to hearts that are over-flowing with enormous gratitude:
Gratitude to God for giving us Daniel to enjoy and to love these last 18 years;
Gratitude for Dan’s love, humor, easy spirit, compassion, and commitment that Dan brought into this world and shared with his family and so many other people;
Gratitude for the angels of mercy who have descended upon us in Missoula and in Spokane these past several days – Mallory, Steve, Dick, Sean, Collin, Justin, Ben, Dustin, Alicia, Lindsey, Glenn and Nina, Bill and Bonnie, Terry, Jerry, and many others who have ministered to our son and to us in amazing ways – please accept our heartfelt love and gratitude.
And, finally, gratitude to this whole community of Whitworth and especially all the men of Mac Hall – this was a perfect place for our son to come – you have all demonstrated to him a love for Christ, a love for learning, and a love for each other that greatly enriched Dan’s final months on earth, and is now enriching his family and friends from afar.
Take these experiences and whatever relationship or encounters you had with our beloved Dan, and continue to reach more deeply into your relationship with Christ and with each other.
Thank you.
No comments:
Post a Comment