The Gift

Last Sunday I had the honor of leading the opening, “bidding” prayer at the traditional service of Festival of Lessons and Carols at my church.  This bidding prayer says:

"Beloved in Christ, we gather this morning to hear the message of Gabriel, to journey with the shepherds, and with the Magi to kneel in awe and adoration before the gift of the Light of the World. In words and in music we seek to understand and to marvel at the wonder of the Incarnation. 

As we meet to offer our praises and our prayers to the Christ child, let us pray first for the needs of the world; for the poor, the hungry, the homeless, for the persecuted and for the bereaved. Let us, too, remember all those whom we have loved, but see no longer, those whose lives have influenced and enriched our own, and who now rejoice with us, but on another shore and with a greater understanding. 

We pray that we may this day be so filled with the love of God that our lives may reflect the light of His glory and of His infinite compassion."

As I read the words - “Let us, too, remember all those whom we have loved, but see no longer, those whose lives have influenced and enriched our own” -  I was overwhelmed with their meaning and the tears came quickly and I struggled to finish.  

Remembering is what we do and though it is natural, I am still sometimes surprised by its power and the depth of pain and longing that it evokes in me.

“Those whose lives have influenced and enriched our own” - of course my thoughts at that moment began with Daniel but as I read this I also was thinking about my dear Aunt Betty as she was struggling that morning in her final hours and indeed died later that day, the seventh anniversary of the death of her son, my cousin Jim.  

Betty has been a person who embodied a graceful and gracious love to me throughout my life.

Recognizing that Daniel and Jim are, and Betty was soon to be, on that distant shore rejoicing with us and yet with greater understanding - these words engulfed me with a deep sense and painful awareness that I was participating in a profound connection and could rejoice along with these dear souls in the wonder and awe of this gift of Jesus to the world.

All of this, and much more that I cannot put into words, swirled rapidly through my heart as I stood there crying and trying to finish that prayer.

Two days later, I sense that during this prayer I had a taste of the glad tidings of great joy that the angels announced to those shepherds on that hillside outside of Bethlehem on that first Christmas morning.  

As Christmas draws near, I realize that as I stood there reading a prayer and crying, I was indeed receiving the best gift and the only one that lasts:  the glad tidings and hope that Jesus gives to us if we choose to believe it.

Daniel, Betty, and Jim believed, and I can to.

Thanks be to God for this indescribable gift!

Daily Desperation

I just came from my weekly early morning men’s group meeting and was poignantly reminded again of how much I need to open my life up to others and through them, to deepen my dependence on God for grace and strength to carry on.

My friends and I shared about our various struggles around relationships, jobs, and more – the recurring theme is that each of us has the opportunity everyday to choose anger and bitterness because of our challenges, struggles, and losses or, for the very same reasons, we can choose to allow our hearts to be broken, resulting in deepening spirits of care and compassion.

Struggles and losses can make us better or they can make us bitter, much worse and a lot meaner – it all depends on how we choose to respond and to whom we choose to turn in our human desperation in managing our responses.

In my struggles, I want to desperately lean on and cling to God’s grace, forgiveness, compassion, and strength so that I don’t choose the anger and bitterness route that is so tempting and so easily available to me.

Lord, in my daily desperation, hear my prayer!